Movie Review: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Title: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Director: Timur Bekmambetov

Year released: 2012

Running Time: 105 mins

Classification: R

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Horror

Even the thought of Abraham Lincoln being a vampire hunting is preposterous and they decide on making it a non-comedy. Did it deliver? NO.

For anyone who doesn’t know this already, Abraham Lincoln was the 16^th President of the United States and is famously known for ending slavery. He was assassinated in 1865.

Oh and he hunted vampires.

For a movie like this, I expected action and/or horror and/or comedy. From the trailer, it didn’t seem like a horror or comedy. Even so the trailer looked good. It made the title Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter look appealing...... ok so maybe just appealing to me. I was disappointed. 

Personally I am not a big fan of vampire movies, but I’ve seen enough to know how standard vampire movies are. I know vampires are not real therefore vampire hunters are not real, but in the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter world they are. The vampires still have super strength etc etc and humans are still boring with no special power. So, how can a measly human boy fight vampires without any chemical/biological/technological help?

We start with a young Abraham getting thrown into walls by a ‘bullet in one eye socket’ vampire to a older Abraham throwing vampires out of trains with no assistance. No ‘super strength biological serum’ injection was used and no advanced technology was used. This does not sound plausible.

I get that most people watch it for the action and don’t mind if there’s no reason to Abraham’s super strength but I’m just one of those people who believe if you’re going to make a movie, don’t make it sloppy.

These vampires are not very convincing either. Be romantic or be scary. The vampires in this movie just confuse me. I wasn’t sure if they healed or were just immortal with a human shell. They weren’t particularly scary and obviously not romantic. (Which is fine since vampires are a type of walking dead. Why would anyone fall in love with a corpse? I don’t care how good looking they are.) It felt like the writer wasn’t sure which vampire rules they should stick by. Vampires with powers or vampires who heal and are scared of sun?

There’s a poor effort to integrate the vampire war with the Civil War (I may me be mistaken about the Civil War). I understand the attractiveness of it. To have a non related vampire story integrated into real history would be fun but this was poorly achieved. This is due to the weak background of the story and the awful editing. One day Abraham is young, the next he has a massive beard, a cane and his famous top hat. The texture of the movie design was probably the only thing that was consistent throughout the film.

Before I forget, Abraham’s wife is played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead... not much else to tell since this movie does not play on romance either.

The only thing I was impressed by was how much they made Benjamin Walker look like Abraham Lincoln near the end of the film.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter has nothing to offer. Maybe if it wasn’t for the bad editing and unfilled gaps, the movie might have had some potential. Overall, it is not worth anyones time unless of course you want to waste time.

If your looking for a vampire movie, please seek else where as these vampires are busy trying to set their own fictional rules. 

Terri's Rating: 1/5

Movie Review: Mirror Mirror

Title: Mirror Mirror

Director: Tarsem Singh

Year released: 2012

Running Time: 106 mins

Classification: PG

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Adventure, Kids and Family, Fantasy, Romance

This new adaption to snow white stars Julia Roberts as the evil queen and Lily Collins as Snow White. It might be one of the latest adaptions but definitely not the best.

The storyline is pretty much the same with some minor changes from the Disney version of Snow White. The 7 dwarves are thieves that wear stilts, a dragon creature lives in the dark forest, and the kingdom is set in a land of snow.

Let’s start.

I like Julia Roberts. I think she’s a respectable actress but her portrayal of the Evil Queen was … poor. Instead of an Evil Queen, Julia Roberts came across as a pathetic Queen. 

Generally I would blame this on the writer or directer, but this Evil Queen was all Julia Roberts. 

I understand this movie is a comedy, but the point of an EVIL Queen is for her to be EVIL. She can be funny but at least have some aspects where the audience can believe she is ruthless. All I saw was a pathetic Queen obsessed with her looks who happens to have a magic mirror.

Snow White is meant to be innocent, sweet and altogether wholesome. I get it. This Snow White was also timid. I honestly did not believe she could do everything she did. The transition was poorly done. She went from an innocent girl to a woman able to stand up to the Evil Queen unconvincingly.

The part I hate the most is the end. The Queen is defeated. Everyone’s happy. Snow White turns evil? (Okay, she does not turn evil). But her facial expression, rather than a triumphant look, was a sly “I beat you Queen, now face the consequences and die”. So much for innocent, sweet and wholesome. (Unconvincing transition).

But the worse bit is the song. I'm not a fan of happy la la songs at the end of a movie when it's not a musical. After the Queen dies, Snow White breaks into a song. Not any song. A Bollywood style song. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Bollywood but if you're going to put a song in the end, put something more relevant to the genre of movie. 

However I did like the twist behind the King's disappearance. Visually, the costumes are definitely unique, not in a bad way, except for the large bow on Snow White’s dress at the end of the film. The costumes and stage set gives the movie a fairy tale quality which is perfect for this film.

I really liked the animation at the start of the film. I think I would have preferred the whole movie as the animation.

If you are looking for a good fairy tale, don’t bother with this movie. It is definitely a kids' film and to be enjoyed by kids, not by anyone over the age of 8. Make sure the kid likes princess films too. 

Terri's Rating: 1/5


**Extra mini-review by Alex** Oh my. I enjoyed this film! It was a big ham-fest all the way and it was fun, if a little predictable. I actually prefer this to Snow White and the Huntsman - the dwarves at least were distinguishable from one another and the romance here is more convincing, even though the Prince (Armie Hammer) is just beefcake (though this says more about SWatH, really). I agree about the costumes (only King Sean Bean looks uncomfortable) and I also liked how things looked in general. Tarsem Singh is known for stunning visuals, and here there is a fantastical hyper-saturated look which really works for the movie. I also agree that Snow White's character seemed a bit inconsistent, but this is more of a problem if you think about it. My solution: don't think. I'd leave my brain at home and just enjoy the pretty. Rating: 3/5